Have you ever questioned in your heart our Sovereign Lord for circumstances He has brought into your life? Maybe you can truthfully say, "no" to this question; however, In the past 4 months I have had to answer this question with a big, fat "YES!"
I am blessed with an amazing family. My parents taught me God's Word and I went to a Christian school and college. Shouldn't I know not to question God and know how to react when God brings uncomfortable trials into my life? In my miniscule brain, I know what sanctification is, but I don't think it had really touched my heart until God brought a large trial into my life. I had understood that growing was when you went to church and read your Bible and prayed. While reading your Bible and going to church are good things, and you do grow through those things, God can use anything to grow and stretch you, including trials.
The following is a timeline of events that God brought into my life this fall, immediately following my wedding:
August 27: I was experiencing extreme pain in my lower back.
August 28: The pain in my back progressed and I couldn't do anything to get comfortable.
August 29: I couldn't get out of bed and could barely walk. The pain was so excruciaiting that my husband and I finally decided to go on an adventure to the ER in Michigan where we were supposed to be packing up my stuff to move. After a few hours of groaning in the waiting room, I was able to see a doctor. I had a few tests done and was able to eventually have pain medicine and then started to feel comfortable. The doctor came in and said, "You have a UTI, kidney infection, and we found a 3 cm 'mass' on your kidney." Once the doctor left, my mind began racing . . . "this is not supposed to happen to you when you first get married; this is supposed to happen to old people, what even is a 'mass?'; do I have cancer?; we don't have money for this; I am moving far away where I don't know anybody and now I have health problems; isn't your kidney a major port of your body?; am I going to have to have a transplant and go on dialysis?" I stayed overnight in the hospital and was sent home the next day with pain medicine and antibiotics.
My husband and I began our journey out to Colorado. After being on antibiotics for a few days, I began to feel much better. I visited several doctors to try and figure out what the next step was in taking care of the mass on my kidney. I saw a urologist who explained in detail everything about the kidney and explained all the possibilities of what the 'mass' could be. One possibility was the big dreaded "C" word - cancer. I always thought that cancer is what happens to other people, not me. The doctor explained that the location of the 'mass ' was not in a good place and that they were going to have to remove the entire kidney. I needed a few more tests done before my surgery was going to be scheduled. When we left that appointment, I sat in the car and bawled. I felt as if my life was at a stand still and I thought, "GOD, WHY???" Over the next few days God began to grow me in ways I couldn't see. I was reminded of Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thought, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." God's way is always better than my way even if it is cancer, or you can fill in the blank. God's way is always better than my way even if it is _________.
September 30: I went in to have a CT Scan to check on the 'mass'. This test was going to be the map for the surgery. I had an appointment scheduled to meet with the doctor to go over the results of this test and talk more details about the sugery.
October 4: I was driving and my phone went off. The caller ID said "Dr." I immediately had a huge pit in my stomach, and thought, "The tumor is way bigger, and I'm going to have to have surgery tomorrow." I answered the phone and instead the doctor said, "Hey, I just wanted you to know that I looked athte results of the CT Scan and your 'mass' has shrunk by at least 50%. You need to go back on antibiotics to try to shrink the rest of the 'mass'. " My heart was filled with joy and excitement, but also rebuke. I doubted God. I had prayed about my kidney situation many times, but I never really believed in my heart that God would make this situation better. God once again demonatrated His grace to me.
November 15: I went and had a follow-up ultrasound done on my kidney to check on the 'mass'.
November 16: I went to the doctor to see the results of the ultra sound. The doctor came in and said, "You are healed. The mass is gone, and your kidney is working fine." No words could come out of my mouth. I was greatly overwhelmed. God knew before I was even born that He would allow me to have medical problems, so that I could learn that His way is best and He is Sovereign.
God has changed me and continues to stretch and challenge me in several different areas. I am so grateful to God for allowing me to taste the goodness and sovereignty of God. Although I have never understood that God could use my health as a means for sanctification, He has, and it is all for His glory. There are no words to express how grateful I am to all the poeple who interceded for me, many that I don't even know. God may allow something of this magnitude to occur again, and if He should I don't have to understand why. I can rest assured that His way is perfect!
