Love is a Pillow and Cookies

“Patience is a pillow, and kindness is cookies.” 

The girls from my Wednesday afternoon Bible group are to thank for this alliterated way of summarizing our first week of study in I Corinthians 13. I don’t know that I would have condensed I Corinthians 13:4 into this phrase, but if that’s what it takes to make the concept stick, so be it. So how did we get pillows and cookies out of this? Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't explain Paul’s concept of Christ-like love as warm and fuzzy (even if those are the first adjectives that come to mind with pillows and cookies).

My journey over the past year through I Corinthians 13 has been more like lukewarm, perhaps even cold at times, and definitely not full of sweetness. If anything, really digging into the true picture of love left me feeling ragged and bleeding and just … yucky-feeling. I first started this study about a year and a half ago (fall 2012) with two girls; and after adding a couple of girls to the group, I decided to do it again. Either I forgot how exposing this study was or I’m just a glutton for punishment.

Or maybe God just wants to keep growing His love in me so that I can shine more brightly in an ever-darkening world.

The idea for this study came as I was listening through Dr.Greg Mazak’s sermon series through I Corinthians.** Of course I was convicted while listening (wouldn’t anybody hearing a sermon on patience and kindness?), and Dr. Mazak has such a wonderful way of illustrating and applying theological concepts. So I wrote out little study guides, breaking up the various attributes of love, and had the girls listen to a sermon each week while we worked through this passage. It was grueling. And last fall’s study was only the beginning of my journey – of really working out this kind of love in me with those closest to me. I really can’t remember a time when I’ve felt more discourage or frustrated or even hopeless. In one of his first sermons in the series, Dr. Mazak asserted that he felt like he could spend the rest of his life just trying to be patient and kind – and those are only the first two descriptions out of fifteen! Starting to understand ...

So what about pillows and cookies? As I mentioned, we began the Bible study again this past fall – me, with a year's worth of unlovely illustrations now to add to the “personal application” section of the study. I always knew I struggled with patience – but I had no idea just how ugly impatience could be until I had children. So ugly, in fact, that at one point a few weeks ago, I stood there facing my whining, arguing three-year-old and thought, “I’m so tired of this I could just hit him!”

Talk about getting hit with my own sinful heart (and anger issues, apparently). And of course, my son’s really “irritating qualities” are starting to surface right as I’m teaching about patience.

nice, soft pillow thanks to Sarah Albright

I shared with the girls that being a patient person is like having a long fuse. You can hurt me and accuse me and irritate me and drive me crazy … and I will not retaliate, no matter what. At that point, I started musing, “You know, patience acts like a pillow – it doesn’t matter what you do to a pillow; it’s not going to hurt you back. No matter how hard you hit it, it’s just … soft. You can't even hurt yourself by hitting it. You can stomp on it and throw it around, and it just fluffs right back into place.”

Patience is a pillow.

And sometimes with enough self-will, I can hold my tongue and my anger back, keeping the frustration and irritation inside. With enough control (usually influenced by what others think of me), I can keep from being curt or uncivil with that really annoying teenager or child or adult. Maybe I can even keep it in when my spouse does something that irritates me … again.

My husband didn't complain about my need
to make cookies for a photo shoot.

But then it says that love is kind – and that means, that love reaches out in goodness to those who have hurt me and frustrated me and irritated me. One of the girls in our group was sharing her struggle being patient with a brother who was regularly unkind to her. When we got to the “kindness” part of this study, I brought her example back up and said, “You know, when your brother is unkind to you, patience is not yelling back, and not getting defensive or sarcastic or nasty in return. And it’s not tattling on him either. That’s patience, and that is hard. But kindness is even harder. Kindness is later going out to the kitchen and making him his favorite cookies” (rolling eyes from the girls at this point).

Kindness is cookies.

Kindness is, for me, the true marker of the Holy Spirit’s control in my life. It is something that I cannot manufacture on my own – not to those who have hurt me. I may be able to hold my tongue, but please do not ask me to do something kind back. No, those who have hurt me deserve my silence, not goodness. Not cookies.

Kindness is so hard.

Actually, it’s impossible. Without the Spirit’s control, it’s completely, utterly impossible. The Fruit of the Spirit is starting to make sense – it is love … patience … goodness. I actually think that this is where God uses our kids to teach us about kindness too. Even though I do get irritated and impatient with my son, it's not hard for me to respond in goodness after he's irritated me. I love him, and I love giving him good gifts. That's how God loves me too. And this same love - the love of God that now dwells in my heart - makes kindness possible. 

So if I am a child of God, I can invite that person/family over for dinner who gossiped about me or said totally unfair things about my husband. I can take the time to sweetly help my mom with her computer issues over the phone (even though she lives 1,000 miles away). I can because the Spirit can, and He lives within me. And He loves me. Now that's a warm, fuzzy feeling. :-) 

Happy Valentine's Day to all our Sisters in Christ!

Now may the God of peace … equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.     ~ Hebrews 13:20-21 ~

Megan 
for the Sisterhood

** For links to Dr. Mazak's 8-part sermon series on LOVE, click below:
The Preeminence of Love
The Practice of Love, Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 
The Permanance of Love, Part 1, 2

Top 10 Books of 2013: Your 2014 Reading List

To you, reader: whether you are a book lover, a book liker, a slightly-ashamed-but-newly-resolved reader, or an almost non-reader, this is for you. I know. This is a slightly long-ish post. But I cut out a lot. Really. And I agonized over what to include, because I wanted to offer only the best. No, these are not the best books ever (well some of them might be). These are just from my reading this past year. I worked hard and really stretched myself in some categories (like non-fiction, Christian growth, and non-fiction). So here goes: my Top 10 Books of 2013 (otherwise known as Your 2014 Reading List**). 

FICTION

Alan Bradley’s 
Flavia de Luce novels 

I start with these because today I am FINALLY supposed to receive my pre-ordered copy of his 6^th Flavia de Luce novel. I refer to them this way because Flavia is the heroine of his 1950s era Great Britain-in-a-crumbling-estate-setting mystery novels. She’s an eavesdropping, bike-riding, braces-wearing 12-year-old with a passion (and unique talent) for chemistry. After seeing a reference for the first novel, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, in WORLD Magazine 6 or 7 years ago, I fell in love with this series. Books 2-6 have been eagerly anticipated and pre-ordered by me (little fact being that these are the only books I’ve ever pre-ordered). And I’ve never been disappointed. The list (in case you want to start at the beginning) is as follows: The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, The Weed That Strings the Hangman's Bag, A Red Herring Without Mustard, I Am Half-Sick of Shadows, Speaking from Among the Bones, and finally now The Dead in Their Vaulted Arches. 

(For anyone wondering about the unique titles, they are all from lines of either poetry, literature, or very old cookbooks – fascinating.)

The Thirteenth Tale, by Diane Setterfield 

While we’re on mysteries, I must mention Diane Setterfield’s The Thirteenth Tale. A friend of mine recommended it earlier this year, and I’d summarize my reading of it by saying that I completely neglected my house, laundry, husband, and (almost) children for about 3 days while I read this book. It’s riveting and eerie and completely surprising, no matter how many mystery novels you’ve read. I’d classify it as more of a gothic-style mystery, along the lines of a Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights. Very Bronte-ish. NOTE: If you have small children, hire a babysitter for a few days when you plan to read this.

The Good Dream, by Donna VanLiere 

I actually first read this novel in 2012, but I loved it so much that I purchased my own copy, and accidentally-on-purpose read it again recently. You know, one of those moments where you’re dusting the bookcases and pull out a book, and oh, just start glancing through it, find a favorite chapter, spend 20 minutes reading, then decide to just reread the whole thing. And the dusting doesn’t get done for another week. (I’m sure by now you must think me a very irresponsible mother and housekeeper – but I promise it doesn’t happen often.) I have a more in-depth review of the book here.  In summary, though, I highly recommend this emotional and heart-gripping novel to all readers, especially Christian readers. Though this is not a Christian novel, it is one that causes me to rejoice in how I’ve been rescued from the ravages of sin.

Margot, by Jillian Cantor 

This was my most recently-finished novel, dealing with a “what-if” story of Anne Frank’s sister. What if Margot Frank had really survived? What might her story have looked like? I requested this book from the library, and it took over 3 months until I finally got it (so after that long wait, I KNEW I had to read it). Margot was hopeful and sad and enjoyable and heartbreaking all over. But I’ve always enjoyed imagining “what if” kinds of stories, particularly at the ends of books I don’t want to be done with. So Jillian Cantor successfully published a “what if” daydream – kudos to her. (I did feel after reading this that I knew more about WWII and the holocaust – probably because it’s a subject I’ve slightly avoided. And no, I’ve definitely never seen Schindler’s List.)

Hannah Coulter, by Wendell Berry 

My last fiction recommendation, and I’ve saved the best for last. I cannot even begin to share how much I LOVE this book – love love love!! It is truly one of the great novels in my reading life. But BE WARNED: What you are (or should be) about to read is not some Hunger Games type of mind-gripping, page-flipping novel that you fly through like a can of Pringles. It is a slow and thought-filled book written by a poet-novelist, with each sentence being something that you sit there thinking, “Wow. That was so good. That’s how my brain’s been trying to communicate all of these years. Yeah.” Like eating a piece of Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake, savoring each bite, and letting the chocolate layers just sort of drip down your throat, and afterwards, being so full that you can’t bear the thought of moving or having to function normally. You'd rather just sit there, slowly digesting, and meditate on the experience of eating it all over again.  

That is Hannah Coulter – the real-life-love-story that I have been waiting all of my life to read – something authentic and deep and going beyond just “one person happily ever after riding off into the sunset.” That’s because Hannah Coulter is more about community than just one couple. As Hannah, an 80-year-old woman, says of her first husband when they were planning to be married, “The love he bore me was his own, but also it was a love that had been borne to him, by people he knew, people I now knew, people he loved. That, I think, was what put tears in his eyes when he looked at me. He must have wondered if I would love those people too. Well, as it turned out, I did. And I would know them as he would never know them, for longer than he knew them. I knew them old, in their final years and days. I know them dead.” I realize I’m probably dragging this on a bit, but if you’d like, here's  another compelling case for reading Hannah Coulter.

NON-FICTION

Killing Lincoln, by Bill O’Reilly & Martin Dugard

Trying to break outside of my box, I disciplined myself by reading a few non-fiction books this year, one of which was Bill O’Reilly’s Killing Lincoln. Think history book meets thriller novel. While the information contained is well researched and accurate, the book reads like a John Grisham novel. Hopefully that doesn’t discourage anyone – if anything, it should encourage any other non-non-fiction readers like me to try it. I followed this up with O’Reilly’s Killing Kennedy, another fascinating non-fiction novel that really piqued my interest in this era (and even caused me to start doing some more outside research – weird).

Booked: Literature in the Soul of Me, 

by Karen Swallow Prior 

Here’s another piece of Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake for you … or maybe more like a T-bone ribeye (because this one takes a little bit of chewing). I finally get to put one in the “memoirs” section (another category I’ve sorely neglected). I’m not even sure how to describe this. But as a bit of information, Ms. Prior is Christian, an author, and an English professor at Liberty University; and in this memoir, she reflects on the impact that books have had on her life, including her coming to faith in Christ. I know that some Christians have been disappointed at the seeming “lack of straightforward testimony” that she offers in this. But I think if you read her accompanying interviews as well as other things she’s written, you’ll get a better sense of her faith – and the point of her book. It’s not an autobiography; it’s a memoir with a specific emphasis – the written word – and how words, and THE Word, have all shaped her into who she is today. Intriguing. I wish I was smart enough to write a book like Booked. 

BIBLE STUDY & GROWTH:

A Sweet & Bitter Providence, 

by John Piper

I picked up this book earlier last summer in preparation for a 4-week Bible study with some teen girls on the book of Ruth. As usual, I had numerous options to choose from on Amazon, but for me, a lover of words, I chose Piper (fellow English major that he is). I’m starting to run out of effusive words to describe all of these lovely books, so I’ll be brief: this book is wonderful, a great resource for studying this short book of the Bible, and brings some new perspective on a story I thought I knew well. NOTE: I used this book along with my former pastor Drew Conley’s 4-part sermon series from sermonaudio.com found here for our study – these two items complimented the study brilliantly.

Modest: Men and Women Clothed in the Gospel, 

by Tim Challies & R.W. Glenn 

As part of a year-long study in our youth group through the Seven Checkpoints for Student Leaders by Andy Standley, my husband and I recently taught through the topic of “moral boundaries.” For a few of the sessions, I met with just the girls to talk through the issue of modesty. I wrote a longer review of this book here, but simply put, this is a fantastic resource for … everyone. Not just teens. Not just unmarried women. Not just women. EVERYone. It’s short and sweet, but thorough and deep – and no, there’s no “guidelines” or “checklist” in here. So if you’re looking for a quick fix, I’m sorry. Gospel-centered issues tend to take a little more work than that. So yes, definitely read this. J

The Gospel Transformation Study Bible 

gen. ed. by Bryan Chapell 

Last but best, I have a new study Bible that I’m excited about … but no, have not entirely read yet. But I’ve started. And yes, I’m really enjoying it. Basically, the study notes for this particular Bible all try to keep the big picture (aka. the Gospel) as the focus throughout. So for example, as I was reading through the story of Sodom & Gomorrah the other day, the notes read, “The interaction between God and Abraham, whereby the hypothetical number of righteous people in the city is whittled down from 50 to 10, underscores that God will not destroy the righteous along with the wicked. … The trouble, of course, is that before God’s eyes none are truly righteous. Yet Jesus Christ underwent the punishment deserved by fallen people by becoming guilty in their place (2 Cor. 5:21).” It has been a blessing to read and use. I am thankful to the ladies at my church for gifting me with this wonderful resource.  

And I hope, in maybe some way, these reviews and recommendations were helpful to you and might inspire a new journey in reading for you. If you have any specific questions about any of these books or want information regarding objectionable elements, etc. you are welcome to email me. Thanks for reading! (And yes, if you read this whole post, you can definitely read a book.) 

Megan

for The Sisterhood

ps. Stay tuned for a book giveaway. 

**DISCLAIMER: Not all parts of all books are completely endorsed by me or The Sisterhood. Reader discretion is always advised.