“Patience is a pillow, and kindness is cookies.”
The girls from my Wednesday afternoon Bible group are to
thank for this alliterated way of summarizing our first week of study in I
Corinthians 13. I don’t know that I would have condensed I Corinthians 13:4
into this phrase, but if that’s what it takes to make the concept stick, so be
it. So how did we get pillows and cookies out of this? Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't explain Paul’s concept of Christ-like love as warm and fuzzy (even if those
are the first adjectives that come to mind with pillows and cookies).
My journey over the past year through I Corinthians 13 has
been more like lukewarm, perhaps even cold at times, and definitely not full of
sweetness. If anything, really digging into the true picture of love left me feeling ragged and bleeding and just … yucky-feeling. I first started this study about a year and a half ago (fall 2012) with two girls; and after adding a couple of girls to the
group, I decided to do it again. Either I forgot how exposing this study was or
I’m just a glutton for punishment.
Or maybe God just wants to keep growing His love in me so
that I can shine more brightly in an ever-darkening world.
The idea for this study came as I was listening through Dr.Greg Mazak’s sermon series through I Corinthians.** Of course I was convicted while listening (wouldn’t anybody
hearing a sermon on patience and kindness?), and Dr. Mazak has such a wonderful
way of illustrating and applying theological concepts. So I wrote out little
study guides, breaking up the various attributes of love, and had the girls
listen to a sermon each week while we worked through this passage. It was
grueling. And last fall’s study was only the beginning of my journey – of
really working out this kind of love in me with those closest to me. I really
can’t remember a time when I’ve felt more discourage or frustrated or even
hopeless. In one of his first sermons in the series, Dr. Mazak asserted that he
felt like he could spend the rest of his life just trying to be patient and
kind – and those are only the first two descriptions out of fifteen! Starting to understand ...
So what about pillows and cookies? As I mentioned, we began the
Bible study again this past fall – me, with a year's worth of unlovely illustrations
now to add to the “personal application” section of the study. I always knew I
struggled with patience – but I had no idea just how ugly impatience could be
until I had children. So ugly, in fact, that at one point a few weeks ago, I
stood there facing my whining, arguing three-year-old and thought, “I’m so
tired of this I could just hit him!”
Talk about getting hit with my own sinful heart (and anger issues, apparently). And of course, my son’s really “irritating
qualities” are starting to surface right as I’m teaching about patience.
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| nice, soft pillow thanks to Sarah Albright |
I shared with the girls that being a patient person is like
having a long fuse. You can hurt me and accuse me and irritate me and drive me
crazy … and I will not retaliate, no
matter what. At that point, I started musing, “You know, patience acts
like a pillow – it doesn’t matter what you do to a pillow; it’s not going to
hurt you back. No matter how hard you hit it, it’s just … soft. You can't even hurt yourself by hitting it. You can stomp
on it and throw it around, and it just fluffs right back into place.”
Patience is a pillow.
And sometimes with enough self-will, I can hold my tongue
and my anger back, keeping the frustration and irritation inside. With enough
control (usually influenced by what others think of me), I can keep from being
curt or uncivil with that really annoying teenager or child or adult.
Maybe I can even keep it in when my spouse does something that irritates me … again.
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| My husband didn't complain about my need to make cookies for a photo shoot. |
But then it says that love is kind – and that means, that
love reaches out in goodness to those
who have hurt me and frustrated me and irritated me. One of the girls in our
group was sharing her struggle being patient with a brother who was
regularly unkind to her. When we got to the “kindness” part of this study, I
brought her example back up and said, “You know, when your brother is unkind to
you, patience is not yelling back, and not getting defensive or sarcastic or
nasty in return. And it’s not tattling on him either. That’s patience, and that
is hard. But kindness is even harder. Kindness is later going out to
the kitchen and making him his favorite cookies” (rolling eyes from the girls at this point).
Kindness is cookies.
Kindness is, for me, the true marker of the Holy Spirit’s
control in my life. It is something that I cannot
manufacture on my own – not to those who have hurt me. I may be able to hold my tongue, but please do not ask me to do something kind back. No, those who have hurt
me deserve my silence, not goodness. Not cookies.
Kindness is so hard.
Actually, it’s impossible. Without the Spirit’s control,
it’s completely, utterly impossible. The Fruit of the Spirit is starting to make sense – it
is love … patience … goodness. I actually think that this is where God uses our kids to teach us about kindness too. Even though I do get irritated and impatient with my son, it's not hard for me to respond in goodness after he's irritated me. I love him, and I love giving him good gifts. That's how God loves me too. And this same love - the love of God that now dwells in my heart - makes kindness possible.
So if I am a child of God, I can invite that person/family over for dinner who gossiped about me or said totally unfair things about my husband. I can take the time to sweetly help my mom with her computer issues over the phone (even though she lives 1,000 miles away). I can because the Spirit can, and He lives within me. And He loves me. Now that's a warm, fuzzy feeling. :-)
So if I am a child of God, I can invite that person/family over for dinner who gossiped about me or said totally unfair things about my husband. I can take the time to sweetly help my mom with her computer issues over the phone (even though she lives 1,000 miles away). I can because the Spirit can, and He lives within me. And He loves me. Now that's a warm, fuzzy feeling. :-)
Happy Valentine's Day to all our Sisters in Christ!
Now may the God of peace … equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. ~ Hebrews 13:20-21 ~
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